Another Fine Myth Read online

  "Is it just over the door, or all over the shop?"

  "All over the shop. The top's covered, and the bars run right into the ground."

  "Hmm, well, we'll just have to go through it. Listen up, kid. Time for a quick lesson."

  I opened my eyes and looked at the shop again. The building looked as innocent as it had when we first circled it. It bothered me that I couldn't sense the cage's presence the way I could our own wards.

  "What is it, Aahz?" I asked uneasily.

  "Hmm? Oh. it's a ward, kind of like the ones we use, but a lot nastier."

  "Nastier, how?"

  "Well, the kind of wards I taught you to build are an early warning system and not much else. From the sounds of it, the stuff Frumple is using will do considerably more. Not only will it kill you, it'll knock you into pieces smaller than dust. It's called disintegration."

  "And we're going to go through it?" I asked, incredulously.

  "After you've had a quick lesson. Now, remember your feather drills? How you'd wrap your mind around the feather for control?"

  "Yeah. "I said, puzzled.

  "Well, I want you to do the same thing, but without the feather. Pretend you're holding something that isn't there. Form the energies into a tube."

  "Then what?"

  "Then you insert the tube into one of the squares in the cage and expand it."

  "That's all?"

  "That's it. C'mon now. Give it a try."

  I closed my eyes and reached out with my mind.

  Choosing a square in the center of the open doorway, I inserted my mental tube and began to expand it. As it touched the bars forming the square, I experienced a tingle and a physical pressure as if I had encountered a tangible object.

  "Easy, kid," Aahz said softly. "We just want to bend the bars a bit, not break them."

  I expanded the tube. The bars gave way slowly, until they met with the next set. Then I experienced another tingle and additional pressure.

  "Remember, kid. Once we're inside, take your time. Wait for your eyes to adjust to the dark. We don't want to tip Frumple off by stumbling around and knocking things over."

  I was having to strain now. The tube had reached another set of bars now, making it a total of twelve bars I was forcing outward.

  "Have you got it yet?" Aahz's whisper Sounded anxious.

  "Just a second…Yes!"

  The tube was now big enough for us to crawl through.

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes."

  "Okay. Lead the way, kid. I'll be right behind you."

  Strangely enough, I felt none of my usual doubts as I strode boldly across the street to the shop. Apparently my confidence in my abilities was growing, for I didn't even hesitate as I began to crawl through the tube. The only bad moment I had was when I suddenly realized I was crawling on thin air about a foot off the ground. Apparently I had set the tube a little too high, but no matter. It held! Next time I would know better.

  I eased myself out of the end of the tube and stood in the shop's interior. I could hear the soft sounds of Aahz's passage behind me as I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dark.

  "Ease away from the door, kid," came Aahz's whispered advice in my ear as he stood behind me. "You're standing in a patch of moonlight. And you can collapse the tube now."

  Properly notified, I shifted away from the moonlight. I was pleased to note, however, that releasing the tube did not make a significant difference in my mental energies. I was progressing to where I could do more difficult feats with less energy than when I started. I was actually starting to feel like a magician.

  I heard a slight noise behind me and craned my neck to look. Aahz was quietly drawing the curtains over the door.

  I smiled grimly to myself. Good! We don't want witnesses.

  My eyes were nearly adjusted now. I could make out shapes and shadows in the darkness. There was a dark lump in the corner that breathed heavily. Frumple!

  I felt a hand on my shoulder. Aahz pointed out a lamp on a table and held up four fingers.

  I nodded and started counting slowly to four. As I reached the final number, I focused a quick flash of energy at the lamp, and its wick burst into flame, lighting the shop's interior.

  Aahz was kneeling beside Frumple, knife in hand. Apparently he had succeeded in finding at least some of our weapons in the dark.

  Frumple sat up blinking, then froze in place. Aahz had the point of his knife hovering a hairsbreadth from the Deveel's throat.

  "Hello, Frumple," he smiled. "Remember us?"

  "You!" gasped the Deveel. "You're supposed to be dead!"

  "Dead?" Aahz purred. "How could any harm befall us with our old pal Frumple helping us blend with the citizenry?"

  "Gentlemen!" our victim squealed. "There seems to have been a mistake!"

  "That's right," I commented. "And you made it."

  "You don't understand!" Frumple persisted, "I was surprised and horrified when I heard about your deaths."

  "Yeah, we weren't too happy about it ourselves."

  "Later, kid. Look, Frumple. Right now we have both the ability and the motive to kill you. Right?"

  "But I…."

  "Right?"

  Aahz moved the knife until the point was indenting the skin on Frumple's throat.

  "Right!" the Deveel whispered.

  "Okay, then." Aahz withdrew the knife and tucked it back in his waist band. "New let's talk business."

  "I… I don't understand," Frumple stammered, rubbing his throat with one hand as if to assure himself that it was still there.

  "What it means," Aahz explained, "is that we want your help more than we want revenge. Don't relax too much, though. The choice wasn't that easy."

  "I… I see. Well, what can I do for you?"

  "C'mon, Frumple. You can honor our original deal. You've got to admit we've laid one heck of a false trail for your two fugitives. Now it's your turn. Just restore my powers and we'll be on our way."

  The Deveel blanched, or at least he turned from red to pink.

  "I can't do that!" he exclaimed.

  "What?"

  The knife appeared in Aahz's hand again as if by magik.

  "Now look, you double-dealing refugee. Either you restore my powers or…."

  "You don't understand," Frumple pleaded. "I don't mean I won't restore your powers. I mean I can't. I don't know what's wrong with you or how to counter it. That's why I set you up with the mob. I was afraid if I told you before, you wouldn't believe me. I've spent too much time establishing myself here to risk being exposed by an unsatisfied customer. I'm sorry, I really am, and I know you'll probably kill me, but I can't help you!"

  Chapter Sixteen

  "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless."

  -T. EDISON

  "HMMM," Aahz said thoughtfully. "So you're powerless to restore my powers?"

  "Does that mean we can kill him after all?" I asked eagerly. I had been hopeful of having Aahz's powers restored, but in lieu of that, I was still a bit upset over having been hung.

  "You're a rather vicious child," Frumple looked at me speculatively. "What's a Pervect doing traveling with a Klahd, anyway?"

  "Who's a clod? "I bristled.

  "Easy, kid," Aahz said soothingly. "Nothing personal. Everyone who's native to this dimension is a Klahd. Klah… Klahds… get it?"

  "Well, I don't like the sound of it," I grumbled.

  "Relax, kid. What's in a name, anyway?"

  "Then it doesn't really matter to you if people call you a Pervect or a Pervert?"

  "Watch your mouth, kid. Things are going bad enough without you getting cheeky."

  "Gentlemen, gentlemen," Frumple interrupted. "If you're going to fight would you mind going outside? I mean, this is my shop."

  "Can we kill him now, Aahz?"

  "Ease up, kid. Just because he can't restore my powers doesn't mean he's totally useless. I'm sure that he'll be more than happy to help us, pa
rticularly after he failed to pay up on our last deal. Right, Frumple?"

  "Oh, definitely. Anything I can do to make up for the inconvenience I've caused you."

  "Inconvenience?" I asked incredulously.

  "Steady, kid. Well, Frumple, you could start by returning the stuff we left here when we went off on your little mission."

  "Of course. I'll get it for you." •

  The Deveel started to rise, only to find Aahz's knife threatening him again.

  "Don't trouble yourself, Frumple, old boy," Aahz smiled. "Just point out where they are and we'll fetch them ourselves… and keep your hands where I can see them."

  "The… your things are over there… in the big chest against the wall," Frumple's eyes never left the knife as he spoke.

  "Check it out, kid."

  I did and, surprisingly, the items were exactly where the Deveel said they would be. There was, however, an intriguing collection of other strange items in the chest also.

  "Hey, Aahz!" I called. "Take a look at this!"

  "Sure, kid."

  He backed across the shop to join me. As he did, he flipped the knife into what I now recognized as a throwing grip. Apparently Frumple recognized it too, because he stayed frozen in position.

  "Well, what have we here?" Aahz chortled.

  "Gentlemen," the Deveel called plaintively. "I could probably help you better if I knew what you needed."

  "True enough," Aahz responded, reclaiming his weapons.

  "Frumple, it occurs to me we haven't been completely open with you. That will have to be corrected if we're going to be allies."

  "Wait a minute, Aahz," I interrupted. "What makes you think we can trust him after he's tried so hard to get us killed?"

  "Simple, kid. He tried to get us killed to protect himself, right?"

  "Well…."

  "So once we explain it's in his own self-interest to help us, he should be completely trustworthy."

  "Really?" I sneered.

  "Well, as trustworthy as any Deveel can be," Aahz admitted.

  "I resent the implications of that. Pervert!" Frumple exclaimed. "If you want any help, you'd better…." Aahz's knife flashed through the air and thunked into the wall scant inches from the Deveel's head.

  "Shut up and listen, Frumple!" he snarled. "And that's Pervect!"

  "What's in a name, Aahz?" I asked innocently.

  "Shut up, kid. Okay, Frumple, does the name Isstvan mean anything to you?"

  "No. Should it?"

  "It should if you want to stay alive. He's a madman magician who's trying to take over the dimensions, starting with this one."

  "Why should that concern me?" Frumple frowned. "We Deveels trade with anyone who can pay the price. We don't concern ourselves with analyzing politics or mental stability. If we only dealt with sane beings, it would cut our business by a third… maybe more."

  "Well, you'd better concern yourself this time. Maybe you didn't hear me. Isstvan is starting with this dimension. He's out to get a monopoly on Klah's energies to use on other dimensions. To do that, he's out to kill anyone else in this dimension who knows how to tap those energies. He's not big on sharing."

  "Hmmm. Interesting theory, but where's the proof I mean, who's he supposed to have killed?"

  "Garkin, for one," I said, dryly.

  "That's right," Aahz snarled. "You're so eager to know why the two of us are traveling together. Well, Skeeve here was Garkin's apprentice until Isstvan sent his assassins to wipe out the competition."

  "Assassins?"

  "That's right. You saw two of them, those Imps you teleported about a week back." Aahz flourished the assassin's cloak we had acquired.

  "Where did you think we got this? In a rummage sale?"

  "Hmmm," Frumple commented thoughtfully.

  "And he's arming them with tech weapons. Take a look at this crossbow quarrel."

  Aahz lobbed one of the missiles to the Deveel who caught it deftly and examined it closely.

  "Hmmm. I didn't notice that before. It's a good camouflage job, but totally unethical."

  "Now do you see why enlisting your aid takes priority over the pleasure of slitting your lying throat?"

  "I see what you mean," Frumple replied without rancor. "It's most convincing. But what can I do?"

  "You tell us. You Deveels are supposed to have wonders for every occasion. What have you got that would give us an edge over a madman who knows his magik?"

  Frumple thought for several minutes. Then shrugged. "I can't think of a thing just offhand. I haven't been stocking weapons lately. Not much call for them in this dimension."

  "Terrific," I said. "Can we kill him now, Aahz?"

  "Say, could you put a muzzle on him?" Frumple said. "What's your gripe anyway, Skeeve?"

  "I don't take well to being hung," I snarled. "Really? Well, you'll get used to it if you keep practicing magik. It's being burned that's really a pain."

  "Wait a minute, Frumple," Aahz interrupted. "You're acting awfully casual about hanging for someone who was so surprised to see us alive."

  "I was. I underestimated your apprentice's mastery of the energies. If I had thought you could escape, I would have thought of something else. I was trying to get you killed, after all."

  "He doesn't sound particularly trustworthy," I observed.

  "You will notice, my young friend, that I stated my intentions in the past tense. Now that we share a common goal, you'll find me much easier to deal with."

  "Which brings us back to our original question," Aahz asserted. "What can you do for us, Frumple?"

  "I really don't know," the Deveel admitted. "Unless… I know! I can send you to the Bazaar!"

  "The Bazaar?" I asked.

  "The Bazaar on Deva! If you can't find what you need there, it doesn't exist. Why didn't I think of that before? That's the answer!"

  He was on his feet now, moving toward us.

  "I know you're in a hurry, so I'll get you started…."

  "Not so fast, Frumple."

  Aahz had his sword out menacing the Deveel.

  "We want a guarantee this is a round trip you're sending us on."

  "I… I don't understand."

  "Simple. You tried to get rid of us once. It occurs to me you might be tempted to send us off to some backwater dimension with no way to get back."

  "But I give you my word that…."

  "We don't want your word," Aahz grinned. "We want your presence."

  "What?"

  "Where we go, you go. You're coming with us, just to be extra sure we get back."

  "I can't do that!" Frumple seemed honestly terrified. "I've been banned from Deva! You don't know what they'd do to me if I went back."

  "That's too bad. We want a guaranteed return before we budge, and that's you!"

  "Wait a minute! I think I've got the answer!"

  The Deveel began frantically rummaging through chests. I watched, fascinated, as an astounding array of strange objects emerged as he searched.

  "Here it is!" he cried at last, holding his prize aloft.

  It appeared to be a metal rod, about eight inches long and two inches in diameter. It had strange markings on its sides, and a button on the end.

  "A D-Hopper!" Aahz exclaimed. "I haven't seen one of those in years."

  Frumple tossed it to him.

  "There you go. Is that guarantee enough?"

  "What is it, Aahz?" I asked, craning my neck to see. He seized the ends of the rod and twisted in opposite directions. Apparently it was constructed of at least two parts, because the symbols began to slide around the rod in opposite directions.

  "Depending on where you want to go, you align different symbols. Then you just push the button and…."

  "Wait a minute!" Frumple cried. "We haven't settled on a price for that yet!"

  "Price?" I asked.

  "Yeah, price! Those things don't grow on trees, you know."

  "If you will recall," Aahz murmured, "you still owe us from our last deal."


  "True enough," Frumple agreed. "But as you yourself pointed out, those D-Hoppers are rare. A real collector's item. It's only fair that our contract be renegotiated at a slightly higher fee."

  "Frumple, we're in too much of a hurry to argue," Aahz announced. "I'll say once what we're willing to relinquish over and above our original deal and you can take it or leave it. Fair enough?"

  "What did you have in mind?" Frumple asked, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

  "Your life."

  "My… Oh! I see. Yes, that… urn… should be an acceptable price."

  "I'm surprised at you, Frumple," I chimed in. "Letting a collector's item go that cheap."

  "C'mon, kid." Aahz was adjusting the settings on the D-Hopper. "Let's get moving."

  "Just a second, Aahz. I want to get my sword."

  "Leave it. We can pick it up on the way back."

  "Say, Aahz, how long does it take to travel between dimensions any…."

  The walls of Frumple's hut suddenly dissolved in a kaleidescope of color.

  "Not long, kid. In fact, we're there."

  And we were.

  Chapter Seventeen

  "The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education, and enjoyment-for a price."

  -P.T. BARNUM

  WHILE I knew my home dimension wasn't particularly colorful, I never really considered it drab… until I first set eyes on the Bazaar at Deva.

  Even though both Aahz and Frumple, and even the Imps, had referred to this phenomenon, I had never actually sat back and tried to envision it. It was just as well. Anything I could have fantasized would have been dwarfed by the real thing.

  The Bazaar seemed to stretch endlessly in all directions as far as the eye could see. Tents and lean-tos of all designs and colors were gathered in irregular clumps that shoved against each other for more room.

  There were thousands of Deveels everywhere of every age and description. Tall Deveels, fat Deveels, lame Deveels, bald Deveels, all moved about until the populace gave the appearance of being one seething mass with multiple heads and tails. There were other beings scattered through the crowd. Some of them looked like nightmares come to life; others I didn't recognize as being alive until they moved, but they all made noise.

  The noise! Twixt had seemed noisy to me after my secluded life with Garkin, but the clamor that assailed my ears now defied all description. There were shrieks and dull explosions and strange burbling noises emanating from the depths of the booths around us, competing with the constant din of barter. It seemed no one spoke below a shout. Whether weeping piteously, barking in anger, or displaying bored indifference, all bartering was to be done at the top of your lungs.