Dragons Wild Read online

  Praise for Robert Asprin’s bestselling series

  MYTH

  “Stuffed with rowdy fun.”

  —The Philadelphia Inquirer

  “Hysterically funny.”

  —Analog

  “Give yourself the pleasure of working through the series. But not all at once; you’ll wear out your funny bone.”

  —The Washington Times

  “Breezy, pun-filled fantasy in the vein of Piers Anthony’s Xanth series…a hilarious bit of froth and frolic.”

  —Library Journal

  “Asprin’s major achievement as a writer—brisk pacing, wit, and a keen satirical eye.”

  —Booklist

  “An excellent, lighthearted fantasy series.”

  —Epic Illustrated

  “Tension getting to you? Take an Asprin!…His humor is broad and grows out of the fantasy world or dimensions in which his characters operate.”

  —Fantasy Review

  PHULE’S COMPANY

  “Plenty of odd characters…fun!”

  —Locus

  “A winning story…part science fiction, part spoof, part heart-warmer.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Light without being frivolous, and displays Asprin’s considerable expertise about fencing and things military, especially leadership.”

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  “Reminiscent of M.A.S.H.”

  —Analog

  “A grand mix of common sense and outrageous and hilarious foolishness stirred with a dash of wisdom into a delectable mess to be served with tongue in cheek.”

  —KLIATT

  “Reliably entertaining…a fun read, light without being vapid and clever without being heavy-handed. This series is Asprin’s strongest to date, and it’s off to a good start.”

  —Amazing

  “Asprin knows how to make me laugh…I suggest you sign up for this particular grand tour of duty.”

  —Fear

  Also by Robert Asprin

  THE BUG WARS

  THE COLD CASH WAR

  TAMBU

  MIRROR FRIEND / MIRROR FOE (with George Takei)

  FOR KING AND COUNTRY (with Linda Evans)

  LICENSE INVOKED (with Jody Lynn Nye)

  E.GODZ (with Esther Friesner)

  The MYTH Series

  ANOTHER FINE MYTH

  MYTH CONCEPTIONS

  MYTH DIRECTIONS

  HIT OR MYTH

  MYTH-ING PERSONS

  LITTLE MYTH MARKER

  M.Y.T.H. INC. LINK

  MYTH-NOMERS AND

  IM-PERVECTIONS

  M.Y.T.H. INC. IN ACTION

  SWEET MYTH-TERY OF LIFE

  MYTH-ION IMPROBABLE

  SOMETHING M.Y.T.H. INC.

  with Jody Lynn Nye

  MYTH-ALLIANCES

  MYTH-TAKEN IDENTITY

  MYTH-TOLD TALES

  CLASS DIS-MYTHED

  MYTH-GOTTEN GAINS

  The THIEVES’ WORLD™ Books edited with Lynn Abbey

  THIEVES’ WORLD

  TALES FROM THE VULGAR

  UNICORN

  SHADOWS OF SANCTUARY

  STORM SEASON

  THE FACE OF CHAOS

  WINGS OF OMEN

  THE DEAD OF WINTER

  SOUL OF THE CITY

  BLOOD TIES

  AFTERMATH

  UNEASY ALLIANCES

  STEALERS’ SKY

  The PHULE’S COMPANY Series

  PHULE’S COMPANY

  PHULE’S PARADISE

  with Peter J. Heck

  A PHULE AND HIS MONEY

  PHULE ME TWICE

  NO PHULE LIKE AN OLD PHULE

  PHULE’S ERRAND

  The WARTORN Series with Eric Del Carlo

  WARTORN: RESURRECTION

  WARTORN: OBLITERATION

  The DRAGONS WILD Series

  DRAGONS WILD

  DRAGONS WILD

  ROBERT ASPRIN

  THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

  Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

  Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  Penguin Group Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.)

  Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.)

  Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi—110 017, India

  Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.)

  Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

  Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  This is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Copyright © 2008 by Bill Fawcett & Associates.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  ACE and the “A” design are trademarks belonging to Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Asprin, Robert.

  Dragons wild / Robert Asprin.—1st ed.

  p. cm.

  ISBN: 1-4362-0155-1

  1. Brothers and sisters—Fiction. 2. Swindlers and swindling—Fiction. 3. Dragons—Fiction. 4. Vieux Carré (New Orleans, La.)—Fiction. 5. Domestic Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3551.S6D73 2008

  813'.54—dc22 2007052055

  This novel marks a radical departure from my usual style and subject matter. As such, I would like to dedicate this work to my test readers, whose input and suggestions played such a large role in forming its style and content.

  John Vise

  Darlene Bolesny

  Todd Brantley

  Beth Patterson

  Toni Ester

  and especially Bill Fawcett

  My heartfelt thanks to you all!

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty
-one

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-one

  Chapter Forty-two

  Chapter Forty-three

  Chapter Forty-four

  Chapter Forty-five

  Chapter Forty-six

  Chapter Forty-seven

  Chapter Forty-eight

  Chapter Forty-nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty-one

  Chapter Fifty-two

  Chapter Fifty-three

  Epilogue

  One

  It was early June, which in Michigan meant one could almost count on summer being here to stay. The state was notorious for its “Indian winters,” which lingered forever. When the snows melted, it was all mud. When the mud finally dried, it was summer…maybe. One could never be sure when the warmth would come for good, if ever. Something about that thought resonated deeply with a young man whose life should be just beginning, but who had no idea where it would, or should, go.

  Griffen McCandles, a recent graduate from the University of Michigan—by the skin of his teeth—was about to attempt something unthinkable, unimaginable, frightening. That is to say, he was out to get a job in the real world.

  He was sitting in his uncle’s office in what was still referred to as Downtown Detroit. The office was impressive, as it was designed to be. As large as a hotel suite, it was plushly furnished for both business and relaxation. Light poured through one glass wall, which provided a view looking out over the tops of lesser buildings to the river beyond. It was a view that testified to and gloried in success, but Malcolm McCandles, the man who dominated the room and the company, ignored it, choosing instead to study his young visitor.

  There might have been some similarity between the two in their tall height, light brown shade of their hair, or the strong lines underlying their faces. That was where the similarity ended. Griffen had boy-next-door features and a disarming smile. Where Malcolm seemed to dominate the scene, his nephew barely made a ripple in it. He sat in the pants and shirt from his one suit, tie but no coat. Choosing to look casual with family but coming off as slightly rumpled.

  “So, Griffen,” Malcolm said at last, breaking the long silence, “what did you think of college?”

  “To be honest with you, Uncle Mal,” the young man said, leaning forward to speak earnestly, “I wasn’t that impressed with it. I mean, the theories and grand concepts were interesting and informative, but now that I’ve graduated I’m looking forward to learning the hard lessons you can only get from working in real life with real people and situations.”

  Malcolm cocked his head.

  “Cute,” he said. “Did you write that and memorize it in advance, or did you crib it from somewhere?”

  “Excuse me?” Griffen said, blinking.

  “Let’s cut the crap, shall we?” Malcolm said flatly. “I’m fully aware of your college career. I should be, since I paid for it.

  “It is only by charm and quick wits you’ve managed to graduate at all. Not seeming to really care about your chosen major, you rarely attended your classes, but seemed to have a knack for writing essays and papers that were exactly what your teachers were looking for. If you’ve earned anything it’s your nickname, ‘Grifter.’ A name derived from the time you spent playing poker, at further expense of your studies. You seem to have an utter lack of ambition in any terms but the extreme immediate. Now that you’ve graduated, you’re suddenly faced with the horrifying possibility of having to actually work, and you’re hoping to land a cushy job with me to maintain your lifestyle with as little personal exertion as can be managed. Correct me if I’m wrong.”

  The youth held his gaze for several long moments before shrugging and leaning back in his chair.

  “As you said, Uncle Mal,” he said, “let’s cut the crap. You seem to know me pretty well. I guess the next question is, if you have such a low opinion of me, then what am I doing here?”

  Malcolm raised an eyebrow at Griffen’s directness. He had expected him to evade for a time yet. He considered for a moment and shook his head, sadly.

  “You should learn to listen to what is said without injecting emotion or judgment into it,” he said. “I never said I disapproved of your actions, simply listed the facts as I see them.

  “As to what you’re doing here, that gets into why I originally stepped forward to provide for you and your sister after your parents died. You see, I felt a bit guilty, since I was responsible for those deaths.”

  He paused, waiting for a reaction, but Griffen simply looked at him, levelly. The young man had suspected as much, since this uncle that he barely knew had paid his way through college. Mostly he was worried about what to do with his life. His one interview at Microsoft for a sales position had been a disaster lasting less time than it took for the interviewer to look at his transcript from the University of Michigan School of Business. He was just changing mental gears to react to the part about Uncle Mal causing his parents’ deaths when the well-dressed executive spoke again.

  “I didn’t actually cause them,” Malcolm clarified, “but I did nothing to prevent them either. Since my noninterference resulted in the two of you becoming orphans, I felt it was only right that I oversee your survival to your majorities. Unfortunately, I’m a busy man, so that assistance was mainly in the form of financial support, and without direct supervision, both you and your sister have been free to run wild and do things pretty much the way you wanted. Now that you’re finally coming of age, however, there are some things you should know.”

  He paused to organize his thoughts. Reaching into a humidor on his desk, he produced a cigar and unwrapped it, but didn’t light it.

  “Tell me, Griffen,” he said, “what do you know about dragons?”

  The youth blinked in surprise at the sudden change of subject.

  “Um…I don’t know,” he said finally. “Mythical beasts…big lizards that fly and breathe fire. Why do you ask?”

  Malcolm smiled at him.

  “Wrong on every count…except one,” he said, ignoring Griffen’s question. “Not surprising, really.”

  “Okay.” Griffen shrugged. “We’ll just leave it that they’re mythical beasts. What does that have to do with anything?”

  Malcolm pursed his lips as if to whistle, then exhaled a small jet of flame to light his cigar. Griffen’s eyes widened even more as his mind whirled.

  “That wasn’t the point you were right on,” he said.

  Two

  Like most people when seeing something utterly beyond the depth of their experience, Griffen was trying to rationalize what he had just seen. He wracked his memory for some other time he had seen his uncle do prestidigitation or even card tricks. Nothing came to him. Could this be some vague hint that he was going to get a chance at heading up a magic store division?

  “Nice trick,” he said nervously, trying to maintain some foothold. Malcolm merely rolled his eyes, but Griffen did his best to maintain a smile. His uncle’s expression then faded, becoming distant, as if he was no longer seeing Griffen, but something far beyond the walls of the office.

  Whatever minimal control Griffen had felt coming into this meeting had been completely lost. He felt like he was falling, and couldn’t even see the ground beneath his feet.

  “Dragons have been around a long time. Longer than humans. Their ability to shape-shift gave them a great advantage in the competition for survival, to a point where they had few real enemies. An old race, ancient really. If one believes the oldest legends, no asteroid was needed to take out the dinosaurs. The early dragons just didn’t like competition. But without massive and cunning predators, dragons really had no challenges. In hindsight, they became smug and complacent.”

&n
bsp; The jobless recent graduate could see Malcolm was choosing his words carefully. Malcolm noticed him schooling his features, trying to look attentive. Despite his comments, true though they were, about his nephew’s shortcomings, there was a fine mind there if the boy had incentive to use it. Malcolm was about to give him a big push. It had been a while since he had been called on to explain the real world to anyone.

  “They disregarded the humans when they first appeared as being too weak and slow to be of importance. But the humans had intelligence, and they bred like rabbits. The dragons bred slow, and arrogantly didn’t see this tribe of apes as truly any more special than any other. They busied themselves with what activities they deemed important, and barely noticed the humans spreading over the globe. By the time the dragons recognized them as a threat, it was too late to stop them.”

  Why was his uncle making him listen to such a fantasy, and where was it leading? Was this all some kind of odd ruse, a test? Griffen thought himself a fair hand at reading people, but Malcolm McCandles revealed nothing, though Malcolm did show a brief smile as Griffen started to fidget. Catching the smile, Griffen made himself stop.

  “Many dragons could adjust and change, many actually living near or with humans. Many cultures have very positive legends about the guidance and protection of dragons. Though not always using that term, of course; it came later. However, some of the European dragons, stubbornly refusing to see the handwriting on the wall, decided to try to fight the humans. They used their shape-shifting to take on fearsome appearances, which gave rise to the lurid images that people today identify as the true form of dragons. The fact that they are now relegated to the status of myth and legend is mute testimony to the effectiveness of their antihuman campaign.”